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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

An old poem...

I was going through a box of old cards and mementos today, and found a poem I wrote as a teenager. I'm not really much of a writer, but when I was younger I did like to dabble in little poems and rhymes. :) Anyways, the poem really spoke to me and still rings so true in my life and feelings today. I wanted to share it in hopes that some of you understand and feel the same as I do... It is untitled.

{As I sit here in this chair, 
I wonder why I'm really here...
Am I really called 
to serve a higher purpose?
If so, why do I sometimes 
feel so worthless?
How can I make each day count?
As I feel my worries start to mount.
I pray, "God use me today!
I don't want to live if it's not in Your way.
I admit, my world sometimes revolves
around things not of You.
I'm not sure how, because I know
Your Word is beyond true!
Give me strength to live for You,
and the desire to aspire to a higher view!"}

I think I sometimes feel so inadequate, especially as I try to deepen and pursue my relationship with Him. I have an unsatisfied longing for more, deep in my soul, and only He can fill it. I just haven't quite figured out how to live it in every moment of my life, whether good or bad. I sure wish it was easier, but I guess if it was, the struggle wouldn't be worth it. Right?

Monday, December 29, 2014

Embarking On Our Homeschooling Journey...

I sit here wondering how to begin, and what to write. I'm listening to my younger two talk back and forth as they color on the floor behind me... The sun is shining and it's one of the last days of 2014. So much has happened in this past year that my brain whirls just thinking about it. I would say the two biggest events were losing our son, Ezekiel in June, and the decision we made to pull our boys out of public school and begin homeschooling.

It's been exhilarating and challenging, exciting and terrifying all at the same time... I am thankful for online homeschool blogs and groups, for supportive friends who homeschool, for my many relatives and mom that have and still are homeschooling, who have given me advice and encouragement as I begin this giant undertaking.

I am happy about our decision for so many reasons. Mainly because we will get to be TOGETHER more! I loved growing up with my siblings day in and day out, and can't imagine things differently. My life will be so much more hectic now, but also more free in many ways! God is good! I know to even have the chance to be able to do this is something that many people never get. I am excited to get to know my boys more... to learn their strengths and weaknesses. To have time to do all the things I want to do with them, but can't ever seem to do.

I know I will need lots of patience in this new year of 2015. As I type this, my eldest is trying to mess up my fingers as I type. ;-) But I love these crazy and wild boys so much! Please pray for me to be consistent in discipline, to be a calm and caring teacher/mother, and that my hair doesn't all turn gray or fall out! Haha. I am thankful I have Someone who is always there for me to cry out to and knows my heart's deepest longings. Jesus is my rock.